Final Thoughts
by MBP
Summary: This kind of takes up where Behind the Scenes left off. When I wrote that each of the boys knew he'd back to Johnny's grave on his own, I knew I'd need to write that. Each chapter will be from a different point of view. I hope I can do them justice.
1. Darry

DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN THE OUTSIDERS.

Darry's POV:

"Hey Darry, are you almost ready to go?" Soda shouted from the bedroom.

I rolled my eyes, but I really can't get mad at that kid. "Soda, I've _been_ ready for the past fifteen minutes. We're all waiting for _you_."

Suddenly, there was a crash, and my eyes met Steve's as we both tried not to laugh.

"You ok in there little buddy," I called over the sounds of muffled cursing.

"Uh… yeah. One second."

About five minutes later, he came crashing into the living room. I smiled to myself when I realized he was still missing a shoe, and I watched in amusement as Ponyboy automatically reached under the couch he was lying on to toss it to him. This is the reason I get Soda up earlier than he needs to be in the morning. Otherwise, none of us would ever get to work on time.

When he was finally ready and we were heading out the door, I turned to Pony and Two-Bit for a few last minute instructions. I don't know why I bother pretending Two-Bit's in charge. He has the sense of a mule. Pony was right when he said he'd be more apt to baby-sit for Two-Bit than the other way around.

"Listen, you two. Take it easy today. Pony, the doctor said you shouldn't overexert yourself, so no leaving the house, ok?"

Two-Bit nodded, and I knew that he would listen. He wasn't going to risk letting Pony get sick ever again if he could help it. Pony nodded too, and I was glad to see he wasn't putting up much of a fight. But we'd kind of agreed not to do that anymore anyway, so I smiled at him quickly.

"Oh," I added, trying to make this sound like a casual afterthought, "I might have to work a little later than usual, so don't worry if I'm not home till 8 or so."

"Ok," Pony said, yawning and settling in to watch some Mickey. Two-Bit was already settled down in front of the couch with a huge piece of chocolate cake, and the two of them looked plenty comfortable, so I left without another word.

The last thing I needed was Pony asking why I was working late when I hadn't done it in a while. Truth was that I didn't want anyone to know where I was going after work. It wasn't anything I was ashamed of. It was just something I needed to do on my own, and I was afraid if I told Pony or Soda, they'd want to come too. I wasn't ready for that yet.

It was already 7:00 by the time I pulled up to the cemetery. It was getting dark, but I found my way to Johnny's grave without hesitation. I'd only been there once before on the day of the funeral, but I'd known then that I would have to go back, so I'd carefully memorized the coordinates.

When I was finally standing in front of the grave, though, I felt the same way I had the first time I stood in front of my parents'… like I'd been struck dumb. For a while, I just stood there, staring at the inscription. All it had was his name and the date.

After I'd been standing there a few minutes, I let out a deep breath.

"Hey Johnny," I said softly. I always kept my voice down in this place. I never wanted people to think I had the idea that anyone residing here could actually hear me, but somehow, talking made me feel better about being in this silent place.

I paused and then just plunged ahead. "I just want you to know that we're all real proud of you and everything. I know you'd have saved those kids even if you'd known it would end like this, and that's what makes you the hero the newspapers finally said you were. But Johnny, Soda and I, we never got to thank you for that other thing you did. I know the cops might have charged you with murdering Bob if things hadn't turned out like this, but you saved another life that night. I wish you were here right now, but even though you're not, I have to believe you know how much we appreciate you saving Pony. And I know he appreciates it too."

Here I had to stop. My throat felt tight as I thought of how close Soda and I had come to losing our little brother that night, and I stared at the headstone, wishing I'd gotten to the hospital in time to say this in person. I took a few deep breaths, trying to calm down.

"Thanks, Johnny," I managed to whisper. "Thanks for Pony."

As I turned to walk away, I swiped roughly at my eyes. I needed to cool it before I got home. I knew the others would all get here, too. Unless someone asked for company, though, this was also something where we all probably understood the need to do it alone.


	2. Steve

Disclaimer: I DO NOT OWN THE OUTSIDERS.

Steve's POV:

I heard the girls giggling while I was still under the hood of the car, but I knew exactly what was going on before I even looked up. Soda was at it again, and the funniest part is… he never even knows it. I finished tinkering with the motor, wiped my hands on the rag I'd slung over the side of the car and stood up. Not one of them even glanced my way. Damn that kid is good. He wasn't even doing anything. He was just grinning at them the way he always does. With Soda, though, that usually seems to be enough.

I waited for the girls to move off before I started another conversation with him. There was a question I'd been meaning to ask him all morning, but it wasn't anything anyone else needed to hear. I don't know… even when it's something stupid, I don't ever want anyone else to know what I'm thinking. Soda's one of two people I've ever known who doesn't judge anyone, though. He's safe. I couldn't bring myself to think of the other.

"Hey Soda?" I called when we were finally alone.

"Hmmm?" He was working on the other side of the car, and he glanced up at me. "What's goin' on?"

"Not much… what are you doin' after we leave here today?"

He shrugged. "Goin' home, I guess. Me and Darry don't want to leave Pony alone these days anymore than we have to. Just keepin' an eye on him, ya know?"

I nodded. "Yeah. Makes sense." Inwardly, though, I sighed with something like relief. For the first time I could think of, I was glad Soda was so focused on Pony. It meant I'd have the time I'd need to do something else that didn't require an audience…

When I walked through the gates into the cemetery that night, I glanced around quickly to make sure I really was alone. This wasn't something I wanted to do in the first place, and even though Soda'd said he was staying with Pony, I was still a little worried he'd show up. It's not like I'd mind him knowing I came or anything, but I just… I needed to do this by myself.

When I got to the place where I thought the grave was, I stopped in confusion. It wasn't there. I turned around slowly, trying to get my bearings. I walked in three different directions before I actually found it, and then I stopped again… but this time I felt like I'd been slugged. I knew Johnny was dead. We all _knew_ that. But this… seeing his name on this stone… this made it real.

After a few minutes of just standing there, I shifted uncomfortably. I couldn't believe I was thinking this… but I kind of wanted to talk to Johnny. I glanced around for the fifth time in as many minutes, and then I crouched down in front of the headstone.

"Hey Johnnycake," I said quietly. I stopped for a minute. This felt kind of stupid, but I took a deep breath and just kept going. "It's Steve… I … I guess I came by to tell you that we… that I miss you. Things ain't the same without you around. No one understands some things the same way you did. I mean Soda… he tries and all, but when I saw your folks at the funeral last week? Well, I knew how you felt about them and you knew how I feel about my dad. No one else gets it, ya know?"

I shook my head and quit talking. This wasn't working because Johnny wasn't answering. And then I knew in a way I had never really acknowledged before that he never would again. I stood up quickly and walked away. I needed to get out of here. If anyone got here and saw me bawling, I'd never live it down.


	3. TwoBit

Disclaimer: I DO NOT OWN THE OUTSIDERS.

Two-Bit's POV:

I walked into the Curtises' house with Pony after school that afternoon and dropped onto the couch, propping my feet up on the table. As Pony passed me, I called after him, "if you're goin' in the kitchen, I could really go for a beer right now."

I could hear him sigh, but he came back out with a bottle he tossed me, and he said, "When could you _not_ go for a beer?"

I ignored him, but I felt the truth of that statement lodge itself in my stomach as the beer slid down my throat. Neither of us spoke for a long time. I watched television, and Pony did some kind of homework, and the others started to come in around an hour later.

They were all talking about what to eat for dinner, but for some reason, I couldn't bring myself to join in the decision making. Pony's comment from the afternoon kept going around and around in my head like a broken record. I didn't even realize I was interrupting a conversation when I pushed myself to my feet and bumped my way out the door. I could hear the talking stop behind me, though, and then start up again much more quietly, but I didn't bother going back. I knew what they'd all be saying.

They were worried about me because I'd been drinking more than usual. Pony'd said it in passing this afternoon, but that wasn't the first time I'd heard it. Well, I'm sorry, but I just can't be the funny guy they all expect me to be these days without any added chemicals. It's just not happening on its own anymore.

I rubbed my eyes blearily and looked up. I'd been stumbling around town for the past twenty minutes without realizing where I was going, but I somehow wasn't surprised to find myself in front of the cemetery. I wandered inside and was just walking around amidst the headstones, halfheartedly reading the inscriptions, when I stopped short.

My hands started sweating, and I was shaking. It was worse than any hangover I'd ever experienced. My legs suddenly felt weak and without even realizing what I was doing, I sat down hard in front of Johnny's grave.

"Hey Johnnycake," I said hoarsely. I cleared my throat. That certainly didn't sound like me. I stopped for a minute and then shook my head, but that didn't help. It only made things hurt worse.

"We beat the Soc's in the rumble," I mentioned unenthusiastically. "School's fine. No one's been messin' with us much. Oh, and we saw your ma at your funeral. She… she seemed upset. I thought that might make you kind of happy seeing as how you always wanted to know if she noticed you or not. Too bad it wasn't until after…" and then the word wouldn't come out. I knew my mouth was still moving, but I couldn't say it. I felt like I was choking, and then I felt like I was heaving, so I put my head between my knees. I didn't know what was going on with me anymore.

I was still like that when I felt a hand on my back. I didn't even jump. I was too tired to fight. And then I finally looked up. Soda was looking at me with more understanding than anyone had given me in weeks, and I felt the lump in my throat start to dissolve. I looked down and away. I knew he had to have been able to feel my shoulders shaking, but he didn't say anything. Neither of us spoke again until we walked out ten minutes later, and even then, all I managed to choke out was "thanks."

Soda nodded. I could see in his eyes that he was worried… but I could also see that he knew this wasn't the right time for that conversation. I don't think I'd ever been more grateful for anything in my life. We walked the rest of the way in silence.


	4. Soda

Disclaimer: I DO NOT OWN THE OUTSIDERS.

Soda's POV:

The television was on when I got home from walking Two-Bit back to his house, but I went straight to bed. I just wanted to go to sleep and forget the look on his face when I'd found him. He just… he wasn't supposed to look like that. He wasn't supposed to be sad. But then … none of this was supposed to happen either. And I couldn't get the thought out of my mind that I hadn't paid my own respects yet.

When I woke up the next morning, I knew I had to go, but I had another thought in the back of my mind. I wanted to go alone… but I also knew Pony needed to do this, and I knew he shouldn't do it by himself. I didn't know how to bring it up, though. I was still lying in bed thinking about it when he rolled over and mumbled sleepily,

"Mornin', Soda."

"Mornin', Pony," I answered absentmindedly. I was staring at the ceiling when I suddenly became aware that he'd propped himself up on his elbow and was watching me.

"Whatcha thinkin' about?" he asked seriously. He must have seen it in my face. He can read me better than anyone when he tries.

I shrugged. "I dunno," I mumbled, but I could see the skeptical look even out of the corner of my eye. I sighed.

"I was just thinkin' about Johnny," I said carefully. Pony stiffened, and I forced myself not to look at him. "I … I want to go by later and just… say somethin', I guess."

There was silence for a few minutes, and then Pony muttered something almost unintelligible.

"What's that?" I asked, turning to look at him. He wouldn't look me in the eye, but he repeated himself.

"Would you mind if I came too?"

"Nah, that's fine." I was surprised to realize I was a little relieved. "We'll just have to do it after I get off work. You don't have practice today, do you?" Pony shook his head, so I said, "Ok, well, we'll go as soon as I get back then."

Neither of us mentioned it again that morning, but I think we were both kind of happy to know we'd be doing this together. Maybe we both needed that.

When I got home from work, he was stretched out on the couch with a book in his hand, but from the way he looked up when I walked in the door, I could tell he hadn't been reading. Without him saying a word, I knew he was waiting, but I also knew he was dreading it, so I knew we had to go right then.

"Ready, Pony?" I asked. Not a necessary question, apparently. He was up and walking to the car silently before I even closed the door behind us.

He didn't say a word on the ride there either. He doesn't talk much anyway… we always wondered how he and Johnny were such good buddies with the two of them being so quiet and all… but this silence was different. It made me worry about him again.

When we got to the cemetery, I could feel the same dread collect in a pit in my stomach that I feel every time I come here to see my parents. I didn't think we'd be making a trip over there today, though. I had the feeling this one would be hard enough. And then I glanced at Pony again and realized why.

He hadn't been to the funeral at all… unlike the rest who had watched it from afar. He'd been unconscious for it, and I could sense the tension mounting in him now. By the time we got to the grave, he was paler than I'd seen him in a long time, and I hesitantly put my arm around him. I didn't know if he'd want that now, but I didn't want him falling down. He didn't object, though, so I left it there. And then we both looked down.

Neither of us said anything for a real long time. We both stood there in silence, and then after a little while, I could feel Pony start trembling under my arm. I pulled him closer to me, and he whispered, "Soda, that ain't really Johnny. It… it can't be…"

I swallowed hard. "I know," I mumbled, "but …" and I trailed off. I didn't need to say it. I knew the truth, and from the gasping sobs I suddenly felt racking him, I knew he knew it too. I put my other arm around him, and he buried his face in my shoulder. I could feel it dampening with his tears, and I closed my eyes to stop my own.

_Johnnycake_, I thought to myself and prayed he could hear me, _thanks for saving my brother._

A/N: Next chapter… Pony's POV of this same scene.


	5. Ponyboy

Disclaimer: I DO NOT OWN THE OUTSIDERS.

A/N: First time I write Ponyboy, and it's the longest chapter yet. Go figure.

Ponyboy's POV:

Oh, sleeping in a bed still felt so good. When Johnny and I were sleeping on that hard floor in Windrixville, all I wanted was to be back in this soft bed next to Soda, and even though I wanted so much I couldn't have anymore, I never stopped appreciating where I got to sleep every night. Waking up in the morning was a whole other story, though. I've never been real good at that, so this morning, when I suddenly found my eyes open, I had no idea why. After a minute or so, I realized that it was because Soda was awake, but… he was just laying there. I mean… that's not like Soda. You can hardly keep him still for anything. I remembered my silent pledge to try to look out for him as much as he always did for me, so I forced my mouth open.

"Mornin', Soda," I said sleepily.

"Mornin', Pony," he answered, but he didn't look at me. He was just staring at the ceiling, and I suddenly realized that something had to be bothering him. I propped myself up on my elbow, so I could see his face better.

"Whatcha thinkin' about?" I asked.

He glanced at me quickly and must've seen that I knew something was up because I could see it in his eyes when he realized he'd have to tell me the truth. I just wasn't prepared for the next word to come out of his mouth.

"Johnny," he said, glancing back up at the ceiling, and I was glad. I didn't know what my own face must've looked like then, but I was pretty sure I didn't want to go to a mirror to find out. I was even more grateful that he kept looking up as he continued talking because the last thing I expected him to tell me right then was that he wanted to go to the cemetery. I'd actually just started thinking about that myself. Recently, I'd find myself back in that haze where I could almost believe Johnny wasn't dead, and it scared me. I was afraid it might mean I was getting sick again. And even though the cemetery was the last place I ever wanted to go, I thought maybe it'd be the one place that could "cure" me. And if Soda were going… well, I didn't think I'd be able to do this alone, and there was no one else I could imagine doing it with.

Soda hadn't said anything for a minute or two, so I forced myself to mumble, "Would you mind if I came too?"

He turned to look at me then, and to my absolute relief, even though I refused to meet his eyes, he said that'd be fine. I could even hear it in his voice too. He wanted to be there with me. We agreed to go after he got home from work. I didn't know how I was going to concentrate at school today, but I figured I'd already had harder days. I could do this somehow. I'd need something else to think of anyhow until Soda got back later.

School ended up being ok. There was a lot to concentrate on, so I made it through. It was when I got home, though, that I was fidgeting like anything. I kept walking from the living room into the kitchen and then back again. I turned the television on and off a million times. Then I picked up every book in the house until I finally found one I thought I could read. I lay down on the couch with it, but I must've read the same sentence 16 times when Soda _finally_ walked in. I couldn't even pretend to be reading. I threw the book down and was up before he even had a chance to close the door behind him.

He cocked an eyebrow at me, but all he said was, "I guess you're ready."

I didn't even answer. I didn't need to. I was already in the car.

The entire way there, I concentrated on breathing normally. I couldn't remember the last time I'd had to concentrate on that. Well, actually, I could… but I didn't want to think about that now. And then we got there. I knew Soda could probably tell how uptight I was, and I wasn't surprised when he put his arm around me. I didn't complain either. I knew I couldn't have done this any other way. Because then we looked down, and all of a sudden it was Johnny's name.

"Soda," I whispered. "Soda, that's not… it can't be…" I couldn't even bring myself to say the words, but I knew he'd know what I meant. He did.

"I know," I heard him mumble, "but…" he trailed off, and I was glad because I was starting to shake something awful, and I didn't want to hear him say the words that I knew were true. They may have been true, but that didn't make them any easier to hear.

I closed my eyes, but the shaking was getting so bad that I knew Soda could feel it, and then he pulled me close to him, and he held me the way I remembered him holding Johnny that day in the lot. And that's when I lost it. I started bawling into his shoulder, and he held on tight. He didn't let go for a real long time. I was still sniffling when I finally pulled back, but I was calmer. And then I finally looked at Soda's face. He'd been trying so hard to take care of me the way he always does that I'd managed to forget he was hurting too… that coming here today had been his idea.

His face was twisted in an effort not to cry, and he looked away from me. I knew that what I wanted to say might make things harder for him, but I knew I had to say it anyway.

"Soda," I said, and my voice was quavering, but I forced myself to continue. Even though he still wouldn't look at me, I knew he was listening. "Soda, I know you miss him too. I know…" and I choked up again, but now I could see his shoulders jerking with silent sobs, so I tried to do for him what he always did for me. I wrapped my arms around him and held on tight until we both calmed down.

After a few minutes, we were all cried out. Soda let out an explosive breath and dragged his hand across his eyes. He glanced at me and said, "I'm sorry, Pony. I didn't expect this to be so hard today. If I'd known…"

"No," I said, shaking my head. "Did you ever think it'd be easy? We had to come. I'm glad we did."

He grinned at me weakly, but at least it was something. Then, without another word, we both looked back at the grave. We were quiet for a few minutes, and then I said softly,

"I'm going to miss you forever, Johnny. You were my best buddy, and no one else will ever get me the same way you did. I promise … I promise to stay gold. You always will be. Those Southern gentlemen ain't got nothin' on you."

I sighed. There was a lot more to say, but there would be plenty of other times to say it. Now it was time to go home.


	6. Darry 2

Disclaimer: I DO NOT OWN THE OUTSIDERS.

A/N: I edited the short chapter so it's a little longer now. It's still a bridge to a new part of the story. Thanks to all of the reviews, it keeps going.

Darry's POV:

When Pony and Soda got home that night, I could see it in their eyes. I knew where they'd been, and I knew it had been harder than they'd expected it to be. I didn't say anything, though. I figured if they wanted to mention it, they would. We ate dinner, and then we were all just laying around in the living room watching television when Soda mumbled something none of us caught.

Steve looked up from where he was stretched out on the floor.

"What'd you say?"

"Did we all go?" he repeated, and from the looks on everyone's faces, no one needed him to clarify where. I nodded and wasn't surprised to see Steve and Two-Bit nodding as well. There was silence for another minute, and then Steve mumbled,

"Man, I hate to say this, but it… it didn't help. I still feel… I don't know? Like something isn't finished."

"'s Dally," Two-Bit mumbled. He was staring at the floor, and he just radiated misery, but one thing did make me a little happier. There wasn't a beer bottle in sight.

He was right, too. None of us had forgotten Dally. That could never happen. But we didn't know where he'd been buried. There'd been no funeral for him, and there was obviously no ad in the paper either.

We all just looked at each other miserably until Pony turned to me.

"Is there any way we can find out?" he asked. His voice was low, but I could hear the anguish in it, and I knew I had to do this for him. For all of us.

"I'll see what I can do," I promised. I knew I wouldn't stop until I got the information, and from the relieved looks on everyone else's faces, I could see they knew that too. Amazingly enough, it didn't take long to find it either. They keep records of these things in the town, so by the end of the next day, I had the information. I just had to figure out what to do with it.

Before I told any of the others, though, I did one thing for myself after work that night. I went to the grave.

Dally was buried in the same cemetery as Johnny but clear on the other side. It did give me some small measure of comfort to know that they really were in the same ground even if they weren't close by. I know that's what both of them would have wanted.

When I got to Dally's grave, all I saw was one small marker with his name on it. There were no years or anything, and I vowed then and there that we would somehow get the money to get him a proper headstone. We owed him that.

I stared at the marker and suddenly crouched down in front of it.

"Hey Dal," I muttered, doing my customary look-around to make sure no one was listening. There wasn't a person in sight, so I turned my attention back to the grave.

"I'm sorry we didn't get here sooner, but it took a little while to find out where you were. I'm… I'm sorry if it seems like we forgot you. You know we could never do that. Especially me. I'm also sorry I couldn't protect you that night. I know you called me, and…" and I trailed off. I was getting choked up again, and I couldn't imagine what Dally would say about that if he could hear me.

I sat there a minute longer, staring at the ground, willing away the tears that were suddenly stinging my eyes. I don't know if it had hit me until then just how responsible I felt for Dally's death. If only I'd run faster… Finally, I stood up, careful to keep my head down, and walked out of the cemetery. I just couldn't do this anymore. I didn't know how I was going to tell the others.


	7. Steve 2

Disclaimer: I DO NOT OWN THE OUTSIDERS.

Steve's POV:

I got to the Curtis's house the next afternoon before any of them did, and I was just lying on the couch when I realized that there was a piece of paper with Dally's name scrawled on it on top of the pile of junk that was always on the table. I reached over and picked it up and then stared at it. I knew what it had to be. Darry had found out where Dally was buried. I quickly memorized the plot coordinates, but I didn't say anything to Soda or Pony when they came in. I had the feeling Darry had left that there on purpose so we could kind of do what we wanted with the information. I wondered if he'd gone himself. I wasn't about to ask him, though. I knew it wasn't something _I'd_ want to talk about.

I didn't stay long at their house that night. I couldn't stop fidgeting, and I knew why. I needed to just get to the cemetery to see if this made any kind of difference. Like I'd said the other day… I didn't feel much better after I'd gone to see Johnny, and I hoped this was the reason why. (I still couldn't really believe I'd even told them that. It had just come out. I think it surprised them as much as it surprised me. I'm not the type to… share.)

When I got to the cemetery, I worried for a minute that one of the others had had the same idea, but I figured if someone else were there, I could just come back another time. I hoped not, though. I just wanted to get this whole thing over with and feel better already. I was _not_ used to feeling like this and was pretty ready for it to be done.

Luckily for me, I found it pretty quick and was relieved not to find anyone else waiting for me. I stared down at the simple stone that just had his name on it, and I suddenly felt a thousand times worse than I'd been feeling… and that was already pretty bad. It'd been kind of easy to pretend Dally was in the cooler without any proof like this. I didn't know why I thought this would make things better.

The longer I stood there, the more my eyes blurred, so I thought talking might just get rid of this annoying lump in my throat.

"Dal," I whispered, giving up the idea that I could stand here without saying anything. "I … I don't know what to say. I wish we'd gotten there on time that night. You know we would've hid you as long as you needed. You'd have done the same for any of us. I just… I don't get why you pulled out the gun…" I stopped because I felt like I was choking on the words. Every minute of that night started flashing before my eyes, and suddenly I wasn't seeing the grave anymore. I was seeing Dally getting jerked around by those bullets all over again, and I fell to my knees again just like I'd done that night. I ducked my head because suddenly the fight wasn't working anymore.

"I'm sorry," I managed to choke out. "I'm so sorry."

I was still sitting there like that when I felt a hand on my shoulder. I jumped about a mile, but it was Soda. I could see from his face that he'd come here for me. I guess I should know by now that if anyone can see what I need, it'd be him. And he was what I needed but I'd never admit it.

As soon as I knew it was him, I looked right back down. I might not mind Soda knowing I had feelings, but I sure didn't need him or anyone else staring right at me where they could see them plain as day. I was still pretty glad, though, when he sat down next to me. I was shaking but trying not to, but the second he put his arm around me, I finally gave up. I knew I was bawling, and Soda knew it too, but he was smart enough not to say anything until I was finally able to get real words out again and not sound like some kind of dying animal.

"Everyone else still at the house?" I managed to ask somewhat normally, and he nodded.

"Yeah, they're still there."

"They… they know where we are?" I tried to sound casual, but I knew he'd feel my tension, and he said calmly, "No."

I sighed and just leaned against him as we both stared at the headstone.

"It's going to get easier, right?" I suddenly asked. If he were surprised by the question, he was a good enough friend not to show it because he just nodded.

"Yeah. It's going to get easier."

For the first time that night, I started to relax. I figured if anyone would know what he was talking about here, it'd be Soda. I just couldn't wait for him to be right.


	8. TwoBit 2

Disclaimer: I DO NOT OWN THE OUTSIDERS.

Two Bit's POV:

I wasn't drinking as much after that night when Soda found me at Johnny's grave. He and I had talked a little the next day, and he told me how worried everyone was about me, so I figured if I just laid off the booze a little, then we wouldn't have to talk about it. It seemed to be working. Well, that was until Darry left that piece of paper on the table and reminded me about Dally all over again. I'd be doing ok pretending Johnny was just … out of town or something. But when you throw Dally into the mix, it's too much to pretend about. Whenever I was at the Curtis house, I tried not to look at that piece of paper, but I felt like it was being shoved under my nose every time I turned around.

So I guess I started drinking a little more again. Nobody noticed. Well, I guess we're all kind of distracted now. None of us mentioned that piece of paper either, but I think it was pretty obvious that we were all just waiting for someone else to do it. I knew one thing for sure. It wasn't going to be me. I had a hard enough time just looking at it.

I wasn't sure if I were ever going to go see Dally. Going to Johnny had turned out to be much harder than I expected it to be, and I'd been kind of drunk when I'd gotten there. I couldn't imagine going sober would make things any _better_. Maybe that's why I started drinking more. I'm not sure, but all I know is that on the Saturday after I first noticed that piece of paper, I started drinking at about 10 am. In the back of my mind, I knew exactly what I was doing, and by 7 pm, I was stumbling into the gate of the cemetery. If I'd thought I'd been drunk when I'd gone to see Johnny, I was putting that memory to shame. I just hoped I'd be able to do this one better.

But then I saw that headstone. It had nothing on it except his name, but somehow that was enough. I tried to hold onto the buzz I'd been nursing all day, but it was fading fast no matter how hard I tried. So I stared at the stone, trying to make the letters jumble together so they wouldn't hurt as much. It didn't work. Nothing was working. No matter how much I drank, it still hurt just as much as I thought it would but hoped it wouldn't.

I started to sway where I was standing, so I sat down carefully by the tree that was kind of close by and leaned against it. I closed my eyes for a minute, hoping that when I opened them, I'd be somewhere else, but when I did, all I got was the surprise of my life. I was suddenly looking at Cherry Valance, that Soc who'd helped us with the rumble. I couldn't imagine what she'd be doing here, though, considering the only times I'd ever seen her with Dally, she'd yelled at him. But then I realized she was crying. I'm ok with crying girls but only when I either don't care or don't understand the reason why they're so upset. But when it's the same reason I'm trying to avoid? Nope. All I hoped was that I'd be able to stand up and walk away without her noticing. No such luck.

My foot crunched on some leaves, and she whirled around, her red hair flying up and then settling back down on her shoulders. She stared at me with tears on her face, and with a jolt, I knew that she was just as upset to be caught here as I was. But I could see that she also felt weird about it. I understood why. I'm the funny one, and I knew that she didn't know how to act with me in a place and a time like this. I tried to make it easy for her.

"Hey Cherry," I drawled, trying to make my voice sound as normal as possible but failing miserably. "Fancy meeting you here."

She just continued to look at me, but her expression changed, and suddenly, her penetrating gaze broke through every single barrier I was trying to construct. I knew she could see all the emotions I didn't even want to admit to; I knew my eyes were starting to water as much as I tried to blink them clear; I knew I couldn't say another word, and I knew she could tell why. Ducking my head, I turned away from her and was trying to figure out how to walk out of here without falling when I heard her footsteps, and suddenly, she was standing right behind me.

I froze. Plain and simple, I froze. And then I felt her hand on my shoulder, and every single ounce of effort I was putting into holding it together completely fell apart. I don't know why either. All I know was that all of a sudden I was bawling more than I had in the last month, and she was crying too, and she had her arms around me as I sank back down to the ground. I don't know why I didn't feel that weird as it was happening, but it's probably because I couldn't have stopped no matter how hard I tried.

When I did stop, though, I realized that she hadn't been crying for a good five minutes, and that's when I started to feel real stupid. It was ok when we were both bawling, but I certainly didn't know what to say now that I realized that for a little while there… it'd been just me. She knew, though. I guess Pony's right when he says she knows the score. She really does. All she did was help me stand up, and without a word, we walked out of the cemetery. When we got to the gate, she turned to me.

"Two-Bit… thanks. I don't know how we ended up here at the same time, but I'm glad we did. It was good having you here."

"You too," I mumbled. I stared at my feet. I didn't know how to say everything I was thinking, and I was amazed again when she seemed to know it anyway.

"And don't worry," she said in a low voice as she turned to walk away. "I won't say anything to anybody."

I watched after her gratefully. I'd gone from being sadder than I ever remembered being in my whole life to feeling like a huge weight had been lifted off me. I didn't know how I'd ever thank her.

A/N: Cherry's POV up next.


	9. Cherry

Disclaimer: I DO NOT OWN THE OUTSIDERS.

Cherry's POV:

I didn't know why I felt like I should go. He was just a greaser from the wrong side of the tracks. Way over on the wrong side. I'd only ever acted bitter and snotty when he tried to talk to me. But I'd meant what I said to Pony that day. There was something about Dallas Winston. I always fell for the "bad boys" because they were mainly misunderstood. That's why I fell for Bob. And that's why I knew that Dally never really deserved this kind of violent, senseless death. I needed to go and tell him that.

I walked slowly through the cemetery until I got to the coordinates that I'd written down on the piece of paper in my pocket. I glanced around, wondering why I hadn't yet seen the headstone, when I noticed a small piece of stone lying almost flat on the ground. I blinked hard. This couldn't be it. I'd been to Bob's grave so many times… too many times… and I was so used to seeing the massive headstone engraved with all sorts of endearments. This had… nothing. It was his name and a couple of dates. It wasn't enough. It didn't do enough.

I let out a breath I didn't even know I'd been holding. I'd been so worried that one of his friends might be there that I'd almost thought about not going. I didn't know what any of them would think if they saw me there. They might even get mad. I could understand why. But I went anyway. Something had just pulled me there.

I was staring down at this small stone, wondering why it was suddenly so blurry, when I heard the snap of a twig on the ground behind me. I jumped, my hair flying up in a cloud around my shoulders, and I was stunned to see Two-Bit trying to sneak away. If anyone belonged here now, it was him… not me. Definitely not me. I had no idea why he was leaving me alone, but then I looked at his face and I knew.

"Wait," I called softly. I didn't expect him to listen, but then I realized that he was probably also having a hard time seeing what was directly in front of him, so I walked over to where he seemed to be frozen to the ground. He had his head down, but I reached out and tentatively put my hand on his shoulder. The minute I touched him, I felt him start shaking, and then suddenly, somehow, my arms were around him, and he was sobbing harder than I'd ever imagined anyone could. I held on tightly, somewhat aware of the tears flowing down my own face, but mine dried quickly. He, however, didn't stop for another few minutes. When he finally pulled away and saw my composure, his face flushed. I knew he was embarrassed, and I knew why, so I silently gestured with my head for us to start walking out. He followed gratefully, but when we got to the gate to the cemetery, we both hesitated.

I spoke first. I knew if I didn't, he'd have no idea what to say.

"Two-Bit… thanks. I don't know how we ended up here at the same time, but I'm glad we did. It was good having you here."

"You too," he mumbled. He stared at his feet. I knew he didn't know what else to say, but I knew what he was also probably worried about, so I spoke quickly as I turned to walk to my car.

"Don't worry," I mumbled in a low voice. "I won't say anything to anybody."

I saw the relief in his face as I went, and I felt a small measure of peace. Maybe I could never make things right with Dally… maybe I'd never be able to tell Johnny it wasn't his fault… but I'd helped their friend. That had to count for something.

A/N: Thanks to SamSammySamantha for pointing out the inconsistency. This should make more sense now.


	10. PonySoda

Disclaimer: I DO NOT OWN THE OUTSIDERS.

Soda/Ponyboy's POV's:

(A/N: Soda's voice is in italics. It just made more sense to combine them into one final chapter. Now maybe I'll even be able to move on to something new.)

I'd seen the piece of paper. I even knew without asking why Darry had left it there. But I just couldn't bring myself to go. I also couldn't ask Soda to do this again. It had been harder for him than I'd expected when we'd gone to see Johnny, and even though I'd never tell him this, seeing him break down like that had made it harder for me. But every time I passed the piece of paper, I could hear Dally's voice yelling at me, telling me not to go back into that church…

_I know I have to go see Dally. I also know that it'll be just as hard as it was when I went to see Johnny. But Pony just walks around the house, avoiding the coffee table and avoiding eye contact whenever anyone gets anywhere near mentioning either of their names. I can't imagine that he doesn't want to go, but I just … don't want to ask. I feel guilty, but I just can't. After we left the cemetery that day we went to see Johnny, I think I knew that I probably wouldn't have gotten so bad if I'd been alone._

Two Bit came over late last night with bloodshot eyes, and even though he'd tried to act like he was drunk, I knew better. He didn't get that haunted look from drinking. There was only one explanation for where he could have been. And I guess that's what shamed into going to the cemetery myself the next day. If Two Bit could go… well, I didn't see how I could put it off any longer. Track practice was cancelled, so I just walked there after school. I knew Darry would probably yell at me if he knew I was out walking by lonesome again, but I didn't think a lot of Soc's would be hanging around by the cemetery, waiting to find me. They wanted to avoid that place just as much as we did.

_For some reason, Two Bit showed up last night looking for all the world like he'd been crying again. I knew I was the only one who'd be able to recognize that look for what it really was, and so did he because he avoided eye contact with me until he was about to leave. Then he did something that made it all very clear. All he did was glance at the coffee table and then at me, but I knew where he'd been. And that's when I knew it was time for me to go too. Luckily, the DX closed early the next afternoon, so I just drove straight to the cemetery. It was time_.

Somehow, it wasn't hard for me to find Dally's grave. Seeing his headstone, however, was an entirely different story. All of those feelings rushed back, and I felt like someone punched me in the stomach … suddenly, I sank to my knees. My head was spinning, and I could hear Dally's voice shouting at Johnny not to die. I rubbed the heels of my hands against my eyes, but that didn't stop the tears that I just couldn't seem to control. I kept my hands over my face, and I tried to slow down my breathing, but I knew that anyone walking by would be able to see my shoulders shaking. I just couldn't stop thinking that Dally had saved my life, and now I was here, mourning his.

_I stopped short when I got to the grave. I don't know why I didn't think that Pony would find his way here by himself too. I don't know why I thought I'd be able to do this without him. I don't know why I ever thought I didn't want to. And as soon as I saw his shoulders start to shake and realized he was bawling again, I didn't know how I was still just standing there and watching him. I walked over slowly and dropped down on the grass next to him. He looked up with a start, but as soon as he saw it was me, he looked back down. I wrapping my arms around him, and he collapsed against me. I knew there were tears running down my own face, and so did he, but when we both stopped crying, I knew that we both somehow felt better. And I knew it was because without even planning it… we'd ended up here together._

I let out a shaky breath and looked up at Soda. His eyes were red and swollen too, but he seemed calm now, and I suddenly felt calmer, myself. And I knew why. No matter what happens, no matter how bad things get, I know I'll always have those people who just get it. A peace I hadn't felt in weeks came over me, and as Soda and I stood up and walked out of the cemetery, I knew we'd be ok. And I knew it because somehow… without even planning it… we'd ended up here together.


End file.
